


if I could choose I'd have you stay

by emilia_kaisa



Series: blunt challenge [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: A lil bit sad, Ambiguous Relationships, Friendship/Love, Goodbyes, How Do I Tag, M/M, Not Beta Read, Talking, actually maybe a bit more than a lil sad, place of action: bed, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 22:22:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29267931
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/emilia_kaisa/pseuds/emilia_kaisa
Summary: If I could choose I'd have you stayBut I gave my heart to you and it's yours to break
Relationships: Javier Fernández/Yuzuru Hanyu
Series: blunt challenge [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2138568
Comments: 4
Kudos: 23





	if I could choose I'd have you stay

**Author's Note:**

> Fic nr 4 inspired by one of my faves- 'Into the dark'.

"I don't know what to do with the sheets." Javi mutteres into Yuzuru's hair, his hand travelling absently up and down Yuzuru's arm.

"What's wrong with them?" Yuzuru asks, his voice low and just a bit hoarse. His body is feeling heavy, lazy and satisfied, and yet there's that little thing inside him, a sound of inevitable, echoing in his chest and making his heart pick up a quicker, more erratic rhythm.

"I can't take them with me, I barely have space left to fit my towel. And leaving them here just feels weird."

"I can take them." Yuzuru offers, reaching to catch the hem of the blanket, rubbing the soft, washed out fabric.

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. They're nice." Yuzuru hums, turning his head so he can look at Javi now, mere inches separating their lips "I have many good memories."

Javi chuckles and leans down, his fingers tangling in Yuzuru's hair as he kisses him gently, his tongue sweeping over Yuzuru's lower lip teasingly, making him hum with pleasure.

It's a good distraction for both of them, and Yuzuru clings to it as hard as his fingers are digging into Javi's biceps, so he doesn't have to think about what this night means and what's going to happen after. He doesn't have to think about Javi's suitcase that barely has space for one towel, and about carton boxes piled around the apartment, ready to be shipped to another side of the ocean.

He doesn't want to think about anything, but as they pull away to catch some air, it's still ringing in Yuzuru's ears, and it must be showing on his face as well, because Javi blinks and hums, and moves his hand to smoothe the frown forming on Yuzuru's forehead.

"What's that?" he asks quietly, his thumb gently touching sensitive skin between Yuzuru's eyes "You have that cute expression on."

"I don't do cute expressions." Yuzuru says, and Javi chuckles.

"Yes you do." he whispers, leaning down to peck Yuzuru on the lips, just a brief touch before he pulls back again to look at him, the light in his eyes flickering "You're gonna miss me or what?"

He clearly wished it would come out light and teasing, but his voice cracks at the end, and suddenly Yuzuru feels guilty for thinking only about himself.

Because until that moment he has been so focused on his own feelings he didn't really think about how Javi's taking all of that, packing years of his life into suitcases and boxes, preparing to leave that home he made for himself on his own.

"Hey." Javi whispers, his fingertips brushing Yuzuru's cheek, and only now Yuzuru realizes there are tears streaming down his face, quiet and untamed.

Javi looks at him for a moment before wrapping his arm around Yuzuru's waist and gently flipping the over, and a heartbeat later Yuzuru finds himself on his back, gently pressed into the mattress.

Javi touches his face again, a gentle, soothing caress, and his expression crumples, a crack in his mask made of that beautiful smile.

"I'm going to miss you so much." he whispers before leaning down, and Yuzuru clings to him as they kiss, with more urgency than before, as if realizing how quickly the hours separating them for dawn are passing.

In moments like that Yuzuru almost wants to ask Javi to stay, and sometimes he's pretty sure he would agree. But then he realizes he can't ask him to make that commitment, because it would mean giving the same back, and he doesn't think he's ready for that. Maybe neither for them is.

They kiss and kiss until they're both breathless and trembling, and Javi inhales shakily, dropping his head down, his nose brushing Yuzuru's cheek. His heartbeat is strong and fast, and for some reason Yuzuru is glad he can't see his face, because he thinks it mirrors his own, and he doesn't think he can handle it now.

It was so easy, falling into that, into that pattern andinto each other's arms. So why is it so terribly hard to let go, now that they have to?

Yuzuru closes his eyes, just to have that little moment to try and collect himself, and he buries his fingers in Javi's hair, ttugging at the soft curls lightly.

Javi takes a deep breath and props himself on his elbow, and Yuzuru already misses his weight on him. But he opens his eyes, because he can't miss an opportunity to look at Javi, not with all the limited time they have.

Javi's eyes are wide and maybe a little bit blurred, and Yuzuru's heart stutters, longing for more than he can voice. And he can't speak, not really, so he raises his hand to trace Javi's features, his nose, eyebrows, soft line of his mouth and stubble on his chin. He's never going to forget his face, but he wants his body to remember as well, how it feels to touch him, to have him so close two heartbeats feel like one.

"Can we-" Javi starts and hesitates, and Yuzuru thinks he has never seen him looking so vulnerable "Do you think we can manage to stay up all night?"

"Don't you want to sleep?" Yuzuru asks softly, his palm places securly on Javi's cheek, warm and familiar, and Javi's whole face scrunches as if in pain.

"I can sleep on the plane." Javi says, and it sounds almost like a sob, like he's not ready to face reality, even though it's a path he has chosen to follow himself.

They both have their own roads, and they walked it together for a few beautiful years, and now it's time to say their goodbyes.

And they can't really speak, both too choked up with things they don't dare to say, or maybe they don't want to acknowledge. But for a couple more hours they still can have each other, so Yuzuru swallows the tears and opens his arms.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, I hope you enjoyed!


End file.
